A Problem

Playing with Chaika

Hi everyone! Today is a super rainy day. I was going to play outside since I don't have ballet class on Mondays, but it was so wet! I went to the library and when I got home, I was so cold and wet that I was shivering. I decided to put on my pajamas early and play with our cat, Chaika.

So here's what happened yesterday. I was hiding in the bush playing Harriet the Spy when a new girl I don't know walked by. She moved here recently, and I've seen her playing outside, but I don't know her name. She was walking with a boy- maybe her brother? and she told him "Inky lives in this building. She's Asian, but she doesn't match her mom. Her mom is white. Isn't that weird?" Then she kept walking.

I didn't know what to say! My mom's ancestors come from Europe, so she is white. My mama's ancestors are American Indians, so she's Native. But my ancestors are from eastern Siberia, so I'm Asian. I don't look like my parents because I'm adopted. I felt upset that the new girl thought it was weird that I don't look like my parents. I stayed hidden in the bush until the new girl and the boy walked past, and then I ran into my building.

Do you think there is something wrong with me? I love my parents, but I don't want anyone to think I'm weird because I don't match them. I wanted to try to make friends with the new girl, but now I'm nervous. What do you think I should do?


  1. Aww, it's ok Inky! Of course there is nothing wrong with you! You should try to make friends with her and see what happens...she may turn out to be nicer. ;)

  2. I don't match my Mom either. She's a human and I'm a bear! My mom says that love comes in different packages and sizes and it doesn't matter who looks like what. But I understand how those children's comments hurt.

    Maybe you could invite the new girl over and show her this book at http://bit.ly/bWSfN5 . It is called a Mother for Choco and it is about a little bird who doesn't have a mom but finds one that doesn't look anything like him. It shows that you don't have to look alike to be a part of a loving family!

  3. Aww, it's okay, Inky! She just doesn't know you - not yet anyway. I don't know, adoption's just not something you think about as a plausible explanation upon first glance. Not that there's anything at all wrong with it - it's just not something you tend to think about right away. Anyhow, I think the girl's just really curious about you and would like the chance to get to know you. So...get to know her! Any girl would be lucky to have you as a friend. Whether you look like your parents or not.

    On the plus side, I love how you were playing Harriet the Spy - that's one of my favorite imaginative games!


  4. Inky! She is nobody to associate with if she thinks you are Weird. Your parents love you and you love them and that's all that matters. She should be more respectful. If you see her again tell her "I know what you think of me and that isn't very nice" I hope she learns her lesson.
    Bye! Jenna

  5. Inky, I think that you should become friends, I agree that she just does not understand adoption and that your family chose you.

    I know a lot of people think things are weird when they do not understand them .. but when they learn about it then it does not seem so different or weird. I do not think she probably meant it meanly, I would try to get to know her. If she isn't just new to this then you know you have done your best.

    Do not think you are wierd, my sisters and I are very different in looks from Mama and have different traditions and stuff, but we are a very close loving family.

    Ta Ta,

  6. Oh, inky.
    Don't worry. You're an awesome doll/person, and you have great moms. There's nothing wrong! I match my parents, but I think it would be fun to not match. Because then I could learn about where they're descended from, too, or their different religion, and things like that. Maybe that girl doesn't understand that people don't always match. And anyway, how boring would that be if everyone looked the same?

    I'm not sure how I'd talk to her, but I think it would be fine to be her friend. And then she will understand that it's fine (and fun) to be different.

    Good luck, Inky!

  7. You already got a lot of good advice, Inky. I know tons of kids that don't look like their parents and their brothers and sisters. It's really common, but maybe this girl just doesn't know about it. It would be great if you could become friends and you could help her learn that there are all kinds of families. Good luck!

  8. Inky,

    You are perfectly normal and wonderful in every way. Who cares if you are adopted?! Your mommy adopted you because she thought that you were a beautiful girl. I think that you are the coolest Asian girl that I've ever seen and you belong with the family that you're in. Don't let that girl's remark get to you. Stay cool!

    Love, Savanna

  9. Just because you don't look like an identikit of your family doesn't mean you don't match! My best friend is an uber-pale blonde, and her family all tan easily with dark hair. I look more like her family than she does, but she's clearly a part. They share similar views and ideas, and they love each other.
    My advice would be, say Hi. Don't make an enemy out of someone who could be a friend. But if you don't feel safe and happy talking to her alone then don't.

  10. Hi Inky- Maybe your parents would let you throw a small party and invite this girl along with some of your other friends from the neighborhood. Once this girl gets to know you she will like you so much that she will forget about all her mean thoughts. Kids (and grown ups) sometimes feel uncomfortable around people they don't know and so think unkind things about them as a way of dealing with their discomfort. Especially as a new girl, she probably feels a little left out and misses her old friends. Even just introducing yourself might help. But a party or gathering where she could get to know you, your family and your neighbors might help the situation a lot. Thinking about you and hoping for a happy outcome, Tupper

  11. Don't feel upset! There's nothing wrong with not looking like your parents. Sitara's dad is white and her mom is Indian, and she looks nothing like either of them; people have thought she was Korean, Hispanic, Brazilian, Greek, Spanish, Persian... That doesn't mean that her family isn't her family.

    I would say don't try to make friends with her, but don't try to be her enemy either. She's probably ignorant about adoption. But don't go out of your way to be friendly to her when she isn't being respectful.

    Remember, no matter if your family doesn't look like clones of each other, you are still a family and you're lucky to have each other! :)


  12. There's nothing weird or wrong about you. I'm adopted too. The only that matters is if you love your family and they love you... which they obviously do! =)

    This girl just don't know or understand you yet. Maybe she will turn out to be okay, but don't go out of your way to make friends with her. Just let things happen naturally, I suppose...

  13. You're definitely not weird Inky (well, besides the little-bit normal kind). Kaya lives with my family (our parents are kinda imaginary at the moment, though), in Star Valley. And Hope is a #28, like Zuly, and was adopted by Samantha's aunt and uncle. Kit and Addy share a small apartment and Jess lives with Kirsten and her family, etc.

    Families come in all shapes and sizes. When we're not in Star Valley, we hang with Missy and her family, all of us-and we're all different. But it's fun, too. We are also more than just AGs; there's the MACs and MT Cuddlies-and even stuffed animals all interacting with each other :D

    I hope the girl will come around and you two can become friends. But even if that doesn't happen, that's okay, too. You're awesome Inky ♥☺☻♥

  14. It makes me very sad when I hear stories like this - particularly in 2010.

    There are lots of Asian girls with white parents where I live - most of their parents went all the way to China to adopt them! I know a wonderful family with two Chinese girls and two moms - and they're as real a family as my traditional one. :)

    Cdn AG Lover

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  16. Hey Inky!! I am so sorry about that mean girl....I think she is just jealous that she doesn't have as good of a mom as you!! Hope you feel better!! love ya!

    Lanie, Lauren, Nikki, Mia, Julie, Ivy, Molly, Lizzi, Grace, and Claire

  17. Inky, you are perfect, you also have awesome pajamas! My mom is adopted too, so she looks a bit different from her family too. Plus, I have friends who are adopted, one is from Thailand, but her adoptive family are whit. Another of my friends and his brother are from Bangladesh, and their adoptive brother is African American. One of their moms is from Israel, and the other is of European descent, so they are a very mixed family. Some people just don't know what to say when kids don't look like their parents, and say mean things to cover it up.

  18. Inky, you aren't weird at all! And you and your parents match on the insides. You're family! And families can be lots of different combinations - it's the love that holds them together that matters.

    Sometimes people make comments that are hurtful because they just don't know any better. I'll bet this new girl just doesn't understand. You can help teach her something new about the world.

  19. I can't believe it how somebody could be that mean to you!!! Don't let this get you down!!!

  20. I think you're great! How mean and rude of that other girl! My sister is Kaya and she's Nez Perce and doesn't look like us, but we still love her! And my cousin is Josefina, and she's Hispanic and doesn't look like us, but we still love her! We still love YOU, Inky!

    Sorry about that little rant, heh...

    -Natalie, a MAG #40